Aaaahhh, Week number 2 in Brazil is now drawing to a close. For me, these past few days have been a big mix of emotions and relatively small, but mentally substantial experiences. So far, the bottom line is that moving here, living here, and working here, is tough. With a lot of time ahead of me and limited resources to use, careful calculation of all my supplies is crucial... Finding and apartment and going through the process to get it has been an absolutely excruciating experience.... As for finding work without an MBA or degree in computer programming, it is something I deliberately try not to think about each day unless I see an opportunity, otherwise a wave of panic and stress hits me that is so intense I have to sit down to avoid fainting.
Despite the daily moments where I want to hit the eject button and just blow myself straight into the moon, there are a lot of great things about this place and I constantly try to keep myself in possession of a positive perspective. I have a very fantastic person helping me, along with her family, who are immensely generous and supportive, and without these people to help me, I probably would have been murdered already, if anything. The ability to succeed here, without working for IBM to begin with, is wholly based on who you know and who you meet. Furthermore, I figure that if I wasn't here, broke and looking for a job, I would be back home in America, broke and looking for a job, so I might as well go through the experience in Brazil, where the food is good and cheap, I'm with my woman, and every single second adds a major portion of life experience to my character, even more so than if I was in America.
If I were back home right now, finding an apartment and a job would be tough, but I would casually mill about, taking BART or driving around, talking to people to get information, and, overall, enjoy a level of fluency with everyday life, leaving my only worries to the actual job and housing alone. Here, before I even worry about those two things, I have to deal with how to get from A to B on a bus system with no maps and no one speaking English. I have to worry about not getting robbed of all my money or killed on the street by some bandit, or accidentally maimed by a person driving crazy (the norm here). I have to worry about currency exchange rates, how to get money from A to B, the do's and don'ts of my passport, illness, and all kinds of other stuff that I don't worry about much in the USA. In the morning, I have to worry about how much toothpaste I use and how much deodorant I put on, because buying more equals less money, and less money equals being economically immobilized. Not such a bad thing if I could just walk back to my parents house and let Mom cook for me, but down here, I am not exactly around the corner from Piedmont Ave anymore. No matter what, I try to remember that every instance of craziness I experience here, strengthens me as an individual. On a daily basis, my fluency with the urban geography and the language improves drastically and I am excited to see how my knowledge level will be in a month.
An interesting thing I have noticed has been my interaction with other foreigners. In China, the country and culture were SO different from anything Western, that all the foreigners would band together in a sort of tribe and we all looked to each other for help, support, opportunities, anything, and all these things were offered out of the collective desire for all of us to make it. I do not want to generalize and I hope to God things change, but so far, on both internet forums and in-person, I have met a lot of people, mostly from the US, who have been instrumental in deflating my enthusiasm and basically told me to go home. Probably, it is because the opportunities are definitely not as abundant as they had been in China 3 years ago... Here, Brazilians are so capable and educated, that rarely is a foreigner in need... If you do get a job here as an expat, you are insanely lucky. So, because of this, Brazil itself becomes a jewel coveted by each expat that is allowed to partake of its grandeur. No English teacher wants to help another English teacher exist in the same town as far as I can tell. Another foreigner around means competition, not company like it did in China. My first rule for success here so far, is that I do not want to see any other foreigners, especially ones who speak English. Sorry, it just does not help.
Fortunately for me, I've had this really bad problem since I was a little kid; when someone tells me I can't do something, I get really sad. Then, shortly after, I don't like them at all anymore, because, all positives of realistic advice aside, life is too short to listen to people who give you anything, but encouragement. Shortly after I decide to never talk to those people again, I get angry at the possibility of my dreams not coming true, and downright offended that someone could even voice such a possibility. From that point on, it's like throwing Duraflame logs into a locomotive... Whatever motivation I had to succeed before is nothing in comparison to what follows when it is implied that I might not make it. I will try until the bitter end, until my cold, dead body comes to a halt in the process. Whatever the cost to make sure those people don't turn out to be right, I will pay it.
So, each day, I prowl the internet for work, and survey signs on the street offering employment in anything. I have made an extensive resume for myself (Curriculo Vitae here) and sent it to companies I never would've imagined myself applying to before; Google, IBM... I think my resume is pretty substantial for my age and I hope any employer who interviews me is somewhat attracted to my full-blown determination to live here and the fact that I AM here, even if it means that I will be a janitor. I really don't care. I told my father a few days ago that my current theme phrases are; "As long as I'm getting paid." and "Whatever. I've seen worse". Hehe, my folks give me a lot of grief about coming out here and not just going to grad school, but that is just not where I'm at right now. I think about school sometimes and it definitely I wan to go back at some point, but when it is time I will know and when it is time, I will go.
I like to think instinctively and I know that I'm like a Chimpanzee. If I get put in the zoo, locked in walls, where everyday things like food and comfort and guaranteed but routine, I go crazy. Next thing you know, I'm trying to bite the workers, throwing poop at tourists, and tearing my own hair out. This chimp is not ready to go back to the zoo yet. Soon though, I'll go back. I can feel it. I like school, I like learning, and I want to make a stable living, but right now, I need this experience. I think is has a lot of benefit that will come in handy when I do go back. I'll be a skilled and well traveled chimp, the most famous one at the zoo, a real moneymaker. LOL.
To sum it up, it has been tough so far. I strive to enjoy the small things each day and to be thankful for what I have. As I drift around, unemployed and homeless (I am staying at a home, not actually on the street, just without my own home) I rely on my determination, I remember my purpose here, and I try to keep myself busy with small projects. In these past few days, I have produced a book of black and white photography, consisting of images related to the urban flavor of Brazil. I called the book "iLens" and ordered one copy to be assembled and mailed to my folks in Berkeley. At some point, I will have it reproduced for a cheaper cost so people can afford to purchase it if they want. I think it is really cool and was excited to make it. Each photo comes with a prescribed sound and taste that the viewer is supposed to experience while viewing the image, to really get a feel for it. It was my latest attempt to share my perspective with people. Next, I plan to assemble another photo portfolio of exotic flowers that I have been photographing with my macro. Some really beautiful stuff.
I'm excited for what's ahead. No matter what, it will only get more interesting.
Despite the daily moments where I want to hit the eject button and just blow myself straight into the moon, there are a lot of great things about this place and I constantly try to keep myself in possession of a positive perspective. I have a very fantastic person helping me, along with her family, who are immensely generous and supportive, and without these people to help me, I probably would have been murdered already, if anything. The ability to succeed here, without working for IBM to begin with, is wholly based on who you know and who you meet. Furthermore, I figure that if I wasn't here, broke and looking for a job, I would be back home in America, broke and looking for a job, so I might as well go through the experience in Brazil, where the food is good and cheap, I'm with my woman, and every single second adds a major portion of life experience to my character, even more so than if I was in America.
If I were back home right now, finding an apartment and a job would be tough, but I would casually mill about, taking BART or driving around, talking to people to get information, and, overall, enjoy a level of fluency with everyday life, leaving my only worries to the actual job and housing alone. Here, before I even worry about those two things, I have to deal with how to get from A to B on a bus system with no maps and no one speaking English. I have to worry about not getting robbed of all my money or killed on the street by some bandit, or accidentally maimed by a person driving crazy (the norm here). I have to worry about currency exchange rates, how to get money from A to B, the do's and don'ts of my passport, illness, and all kinds of other stuff that I don't worry about much in the USA. In the morning, I have to worry about how much toothpaste I use and how much deodorant I put on, because buying more equals less money, and less money equals being economically immobilized. Not such a bad thing if I could just walk back to my parents house and let Mom cook for me, but down here, I am not exactly around the corner from Piedmont Ave anymore. No matter what, I try to remember that every instance of craziness I experience here, strengthens me as an individual. On a daily basis, my fluency with the urban geography and the language improves drastically and I am excited to see how my knowledge level will be in a month.
An interesting thing I have noticed has been my interaction with other foreigners. In China, the country and culture were SO different from anything Western, that all the foreigners would band together in a sort of tribe and we all looked to each other for help, support, opportunities, anything, and all these things were offered out of the collective desire for all of us to make it. I do not want to generalize and I hope to God things change, but so far, on both internet forums and in-person, I have met a lot of people, mostly from the US, who have been instrumental in deflating my enthusiasm and basically told me to go home. Probably, it is because the opportunities are definitely not as abundant as they had been in China 3 years ago... Here, Brazilians are so capable and educated, that rarely is a foreigner in need... If you do get a job here as an expat, you are insanely lucky. So, because of this, Brazil itself becomes a jewel coveted by each expat that is allowed to partake of its grandeur. No English teacher wants to help another English teacher exist in the same town as far as I can tell. Another foreigner around means competition, not company like it did in China. My first rule for success here so far, is that I do not want to see any other foreigners, especially ones who speak English. Sorry, it just does not help.
Fortunately for me, I've had this really bad problem since I was a little kid; when someone tells me I can't do something, I get really sad. Then, shortly after, I don't like them at all anymore, because, all positives of realistic advice aside, life is too short to listen to people who give you anything, but encouragement. Shortly after I decide to never talk to those people again, I get angry at the possibility of my dreams not coming true, and downright offended that someone could even voice such a possibility. From that point on, it's like throwing Duraflame logs into a locomotive... Whatever motivation I had to succeed before is nothing in comparison to what follows when it is implied that I might not make it. I will try until the bitter end, until my cold, dead body comes to a halt in the process. Whatever the cost to make sure those people don't turn out to be right, I will pay it.
So, each day, I prowl the internet for work, and survey signs on the street offering employment in anything. I have made an extensive resume for myself (Curriculo Vitae here) and sent it to companies I never would've imagined myself applying to before; Google, IBM... I think my resume is pretty substantial for my age and I hope any employer who interviews me is somewhat attracted to my full-blown determination to live here and the fact that I AM here, even if it means that I will be a janitor. I really don't care. I told my father a few days ago that my current theme phrases are; "As long as I'm getting paid." and "Whatever. I've seen worse". Hehe, my folks give me a lot of grief about coming out here and not just going to grad school, but that is just not where I'm at right now. I think about school sometimes and it definitely I wan to go back at some point, but when it is time I will know and when it is time, I will go.
I like to think instinctively and I know that I'm like a Chimpanzee. If I get put in the zoo, locked in walls, where everyday things like food and comfort and guaranteed but routine, I go crazy. Next thing you know, I'm trying to bite the workers, throwing poop at tourists, and tearing my own hair out. This chimp is not ready to go back to the zoo yet. Soon though, I'll go back. I can feel it. I like school, I like learning, and I want to make a stable living, but right now, I need this experience. I think is has a lot of benefit that will come in handy when I do go back. I'll be a skilled and well traveled chimp, the most famous one at the zoo, a real moneymaker. LOL.
To sum it up, it has been tough so far. I strive to enjoy the small things each day and to be thankful for what I have. As I drift around, unemployed and homeless (I am staying at a home, not actually on the street, just without my own home) I rely on my determination, I remember my purpose here, and I try to keep myself busy with small projects. In these past few days, I have produced a book of black and white photography, consisting of images related to the urban flavor of Brazil. I called the book "iLens" and ordered one copy to be assembled and mailed to my folks in Berkeley. At some point, I will have it reproduced for a cheaper cost so people can afford to purchase it if they want. I think it is really cool and was excited to make it. Each photo comes with a prescribed sound and taste that the viewer is supposed to experience while viewing the image, to really get a feel for it. It was my latest attempt to share my perspective with people. Next, I plan to assemble another photo portfolio of exotic flowers that I have been photographing with my macro. Some really beautiful stuff.
I'm excited for what's ahead. No matter what, it will only get more interesting.
RSS Feed